I’m Sorry for My Loss: An Urgent Examination of Reproductive Care in America by Rebecca Little and Colleen Long is a multi-faceted portrait of pregnancy loss. The authors write, “It’s about the hope that no one else ends up almost dead from a miscarriage before medicine will intervene or feels lost and isolated in a confusing knot of grief, or knows nothing of pregnancy loss until it happens to them.” Little and Long are journalists who met in fourth grade. Rebecca Little is a freelance writer and former contributing editor for Chicago Magazine who has written for the Chicago Tribune and other publications. Colleen Long is an Associated Press White House reporter and a former New York City police reporter.
In addition to their professional credentials, both women experienced pregnancy loss as they explain early in the book. “Rebecca has been pregnant six times. She is raising three boys and buried three others. She had a chemical pregnancy, a missed miscarriage at eight weeks, and following this a stillbirth experience in 2014. She would go on to have a medical termination at twenty-three weeks with identical twin boys who had a fatal heart condition in 2015. That delivery would go catastrophically wrong and end with a uterine rupture, a near-fatal hemorrhage, and an emergency hysterectomy.” Colleen, who was living in New York and was six months pregnant, went with her husband for a sonogram and “a doctor she didn’t know came in and told them the baby was dead and she should go see her own doctor. They were quickly shuttled into a taxi and up Manhattan’s West Side Highway, the goop still smeared on her abdomen.” She was told she could wait to go into labor or because she was still within the legal limit in New York State, she could go to an abortion clinic. “They chose the clinic mainly because Colleen felt like if she had to deliver a dead baby, she’d never be able to handle being pregnant again. Colleen’s two subsequent, successful pregnancies “were defined by anxious months of sadness and dread.”
“Different circumstances, different cities, and different women, but very similar emotional and traumatic side effects as we would soon discover.” Their research for the book began with text messages as they continually supported each other. The difference between these two women and other women dealing with such overwhelming loss was that these two were accomplished journalists who began using their skills to bring the sad state of pregnancy loss in America to light. Their research is impeccable, yet they write with humor that makes the book extraordinarily readable. They acknowledge this: “The Venn diagram of laughter, rage, and sorrow is our wheelhouse. We hope to meet you there.” At that, they are eminently successful. While their research, footnotes, stories of other women who experienced loss, and medical explanations fuel this book, it’s their accessibility and snarkiness that made the book most appealing to me. I felt like I was sitting in the room as my daughter and her friends, who had fertility issues, used gallows humor to survive despite their fears. While Little and Long offer their personal feelings, they also cite statistics, lots of statistics, that show why we need to learn about and address our unique problem. They note: “America is the only developed nation where maternal mortality rates are actually increasing. The U.S. has 32.9 deaths per 100,000 live births, the highest in the developed world. Maternal deaths across the U.S. more than doubled over the course of two decades.” And it’s getting worse.
They also talk about the terms we use and how they influence us. “Nobody throws a fetus shower. Fetus is a medical word devoid of any emotion. But baby? Now that’s evocative. But what’s considered a baby? An infant that’s emerged from the womb? A fetus past twenty weeks gestation? Whatever’s brewing up when the stick turns pink? Or that embryo you are rooting to make it to day five blastocyst at the IVF lab?” Yes, the words we use matter, and Little and Long give us the medical and historical information we need to understand what's at stake in our failing maternal healthcare culture.
Despite all their outstanding research and the numerous interviews they did with women, in the end, for me, it was their Appendix that broke my heart, made me chuckle, and helped me feel that there's hope. The Appendix has two sections of lists: One is titled “Did You Seriously Just Say That To Me?” The other is “Here’s What to Do and Say Instead.” This is where their humor makes us pay attention. One example is their advice on responding to someone saying, “You can always try again/have another baby. You don't know that's true. And whether it is or not is none of your business. Also, babies aren't mufflers; you don't swap one out for another.” I loved this book.
Summing it Up: Read I’m Sorry for My Loss for an intimate, yet fact-based exploration of the deteriorating state of reproductive care in America. Savor it for the way Colleen Long and Rebecca Little make you feel like they're bringing you into their real, wry, irreverent, and heartfelt conversations. This book is important and everyone should read it. Luckily, these women are outstanding writers so their words will capture your attention. You won’t be able to put it down. Select it for your book club and you'll talk for hours.
Additional Information: Rebecca Little and Colleen Long grew up just a few miles from me. Rebecca’s mother-in-law is my friend and Colleen’s mother owns Dunning’s Market, everyone’s favorite deli and catering restaurant, where I buy my chicken salad (which was my husband’s favorite) and my beloved Prairie Breeze cheese.
On October 12, there will be two opportunities to meet the authors, ask them questions, purchase the book, and have them sign it.
The Rock Shop, 18109 Dixie Highway, Homewood, IL, Talk and Signing, Saturday, October 12 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Books available for sale. Tickets are free but limited. For information, call 708-960-4053.
Dunning’s Market, 1050 Sterling, Flossmoor, IL, Open House and Signing, Saturday, October 12 from 2 to 5 p.m. Books available for purchase. Light refreshments served. Come anytime during the open house.
Rating: 5 Stars
Publication Date: September 24, 2024
Category: Five Stars, Grandma’s Pot Roast, Nonfiction, Super Nutrition, Sushi with Green Tea Sorbet, Book Club
Author Website: https://www.alittlelong.com/
Interview: https://chireviewofbooks.com/2024/09/23/im-sorry-for-my-loss/
What Others are Saying:
National Public Radio (WBEZ): https://www.wbez.org/books/2024/09/26/pregnancy-loss-stillbirth-book-rebecca-little-colleen-long
Kirkus Reviews: https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/rebecca-little/im-sorry-for-my-loss/
“Sobering and well researched, this book lays bare major fault lines in a maternal reproductive care system in dire need of radical transformation.... Necessary, thoughtful, and heartfelt." — Kirkus Reviews
