I'm Sorry for My Loss by Rebecca Little and Colleen Long

I’m Sorry for My Loss: An Urgent Examination of Reproductive Care in America by Rebecca Little and Colleen Long is a multi-faceted portrait of pregnancy loss. The authors write, “It’s about the hope that no one else ends up almost dead from a miscarriage before medicine will intervene or feels lost and isolated in a confusing knot of grief, or knows nothing of pregnancy loss until it happens to them.” Little and Long are journalists who met in fourth grade. Rebecca Little is a freelance writer and former contributing editor for Chicago Magazine who has written for the Chicago Tribune and other publications. Colleen Long is an Associated Press White House reporter and a former New York City police reporter. 

In addition to their professional credentials, both women experienced pregnancy loss as they explain early in the book. “Rebecca has been pregnant six times. She is raising three boys and buried three others. She had a chemical pregnancy, a missed miscarriage at eight weeks, and following this a stillbirth experience in 2014. She would go on to have a medical termination at twenty-three weeks with identical twin boys who had a fatal heart condition in 2015. That delivery would go catastrophically wrong and end with a uterine rupture, a near-fatal hemorrhage, and an emergency hysterectomy.” Colleen, who was living in New York and was six months pregnant, went with her husband for a sonogram and “a doctor she didn’t know came in and told them the baby was dead and she should go see her own doctor. They were quickly shuttled into a taxi and up Manhattan’s West Side Highway, the goop still smeared on her abdomen.”  She was told she could wait to go into labor or because she was still within the legal limit in New York State, she could go to an abortion clinic. “They chose the clinic mainly because Colleen felt like if she had to deliver a dead baby, she’d never be able to handle being pregnant again. Colleen’s two subsequent, successful pregnancies “were defined by anxious months of sadness and dread.” 

“Different circumstances, different cities, and different women, but very similar emotional and traumatic side effects as we would soon discover.” Their research for the book began with text messages as they continually supported each other. The difference between these two women and other women dealing with such overwhelming loss was that these two were accomplished journalists who began using their skills to bring the sad state of pregnancy loss in America to light. Their research is impeccable, yet they write with humor that makes the book extraordinarily readable. They acknowledge this: “The Venn diagram of laughter, rage, and sorrow is our wheelhouse. We hope to meet you there.” At that, they are eminently successful. While their research, footnotes, stories of other women who experienced loss, and medical explanations fuel this book, it’s their accessibility and snarkiness that made the book most appealing to me. I felt like I was sitting in the room as my daughter and her friends, who had fertility issues, used gallows humor to survive despite their fears. While Little and Long offer their personal feelings, they also cite statistics, lots of statistics, that show why we need to learn about and address our unique problem. They note: “America is the only developed nation where maternal mortality rates are actually increasing. The U.S. has 32.9 deaths per 100,000 live births, the highest in the developed world. Maternal deaths across the U.S. more than doubled over the course of two decades.” And it’s getting worse. 

They also talk about the terms we use and how they influence us. “Nobody throws a fetus shower. Fetus is a medical word devoid of any emotion. But baby? Now that’s evocative. But what’s considered a baby? An infant that’s emerged from the womb? A fetus past twenty weeks gestation? Whatever’s brewing up when the stick turns pink? Or that embryo you are rooting to make it to day five blastocyst at the IVF lab?” Yes, the words we use matter, and Little and Long give us the medical and historical information we need to understand what's at stake in our failing maternal healthcare culture. 

Despite all their outstanding research and the numerous interviews they did with women, in the end, for me, it was their Appendix that broke my heart, made me chuckle, and helped me feel that there's hope. The Appendix has two sections of lists: One is titled “Did You Seriously Just Say That To Me?” The other is “Here’s What to Do and Say Instead.” This is where their humor makes us pay attention. One example is their advice on responding to someone saying, “You can always try again/have another baby. You don't know that's true. And whether it is or not is none of your business. Also, babies aren't mufflers; you don't swap one out for another.” I loved this book.

Summing it Up: Read I’m Sorry for My Loss for an intimate, yet fact-based exploration of the deteriorating state of reproductive care in America. Savor it for the way Colleen Long and Rebecca Little make you feel like they're bringing you into their real, wry, irreverent, and heartfelt conversations. This book is important and everyone should read it. Luckily, these women are outstanding writers so their words will capture your attention. You won’t be able to put it down. Select it for your book club and you'll talk for hours.

Additional Information: Rebecca Little and Colleen Long grew up just a few miles from me. Rebecca’s mother-in-law is my friend and Colleen’s mother owns Dunning’s Market, everyone’s favorite deli and catering restaurant, where I buy my chicken salad (which was my husband’s favorite) and my beloved Prairie Breeze cheese. 

On October 12, there will be two opportunities to meet the authors, ask them questions, purchase the book, and have them sign it. 

The Rock Shop, 18109 Dixie Highway, Homewood, IL, Talk and Signing, Saturday, October 12 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Books available for sale. Tickets are free but limited. For information, call 708-960-4053. 

Dunning’s Market, 1050 Sterling, Flossmoor, IL, Open House and Signing, Saturday, October 12 from 2 to 5 p.m. Books available for purchase. Light refreshments served. Come anytime during the open house.

Rating: 5 Stars

Publication Date: September 24, 2024

Category: Five Stars, Grandma’s Pot Roast, Nonfiction, Super Nutrition, Sushi with Green Tea Sorbet, Book Club

Author Website: https://www.alittlelong.com/

Interview: https://chireviewofbooks.com/2024/09/23/im-sorry-for-my-loss/ 

What Others are Saying: 

National Public Radio (WBEZ): https://www.wbez.org/books/2024/09/26/pregnancy-loss-stillbirth-book-rebecca-little-colleen-long 

Kirkus Reviews: https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/rebecca-little/im-sorry-for-my-loss/ 

“Sobering and well researched, this book lays bare major fault lines in a maternal reproductive care system in dire need of radical transformation.... Necessary, thoughtful, and heartfelt." — Kirkus Reviews

Fall into Reading

The autumnal equinox isn’t until September 22, but it’s beginning to feel like fall here in northern Michigan. When I woke up a few days ago, the temperature had dropped into the low fifties and the sky was still pitch black, so I turned on the kettle, steeped my tea, and hopped back into bed with my book. The temperature is supposed to be in the upper 70s this week, but I’m still ready to curl up with good books as the daylight hours diminish. (Sunrise is at 7:14 a.m. today here on the western edge of the Eastern time zone.) As you begin to drift toward autumn, try one of these titles I devoured in the last few months.

I’m excited that four of the authors of these books, Graham Moore, Catherine Newman, Rainbow Rowell, and  Zoë Schlanger, will be at the Harbor Springs Festival of the Book beginning on September 27 and that I will get to introduce them when they read. Tickets to the festival are sold out, but those of you who will be attending may want to read some of these titles in the coming weeks. 

*All the Colors of the Dark by Chris Whitaker is a spectacular mystery. It begins in 1975 when Patch, named for the patch covering his eye socket, intervenes to save a girl being assaulted in the woods and is himself kidnapped. During his captivity in a dark cellar, a girl named Grace offers him hope with her descriptions of a colorful outside world. After he escapes, he and his best friend Saint search for Grace and other possible victims. Saint and Patch are phenomenal characters and this tale of twists, anguish, resilience, love, and art is a winner. GPR, BC

*The Light Eaters by Zoë Schlanger is a fascinating exploration of the strides in plant science that will change the way you see the world. The chapter on hearing mesmerized me with the suggestion of a flower forming a bowl shape resembling a concave satellite dish. Seeing evidence of plant “communication” and “intelligence” explained in Schlanger ‘s exquisite writing entranced me. G/SN, BC

*Sandwich by Catherine Newman illustrates the toll being the emotional center of a family can bring. Rocky loves her newly adult children, her elderly parents, and her capable, but emotionally distant husband. On their yearly Cape Cod beach vacation, she caters to each family member’s sandwich cravings while holding a long-buried secret and being torn apart by her role in the sandwich generation. Written with humor and heart, Sandwich feels real as it explores generational trauma and depression with irony. Readers will laugh through their tears. GPR/S, BC

*Sipsworth by Simon Van Booy, 83-year-old Helen Cartwright’s husband and son have died. Her “life is essentially finished” so after an absence of sixty years, she returns to the English village where she grew up. Her life is tedious until early one morning when she sees her neighbor’s discarded fish tank on the sidewalk and brings it into her home. In it she finds a live mouse. After looking for ways to get rid of the creature, she begins caring for it and names it Sipsworth. Her care of the mouse leads her to connections with people in the village and her backstory reveals itself as she becomes friends with a librarian, a man at the hardware store, and a doctor. This is a charming fable, a warm, kind story that you’ll want to reread whenever you need a lift. It’s heartwarming without being simplistic or saccharine. I adored it. GPR/SF, BC

*Slow Dance by Rainbow Rowell exemplifies the best definition of a heartfelt, witty, kind, and well written rom-com. If rom-com ever becomes an Olympic sport, Slow Dance will win gold. Shiloh, Cary, and Mikey were inseparable best friends growIng up poor in Omaha. They always wanted to leave. Cary joined the Navy and went far. Shiloh went to college but returned and married; now she’s 33 and divorced with two young kids and is living with her mother. When Cary returns for Mikey’s wedding, the impossible seems possible, but will Shiloh see it? If you loved Rowell’s YA masterpiece Eleanor and Park, you’ll love this adult novel. D/GPR/SF, BC

*Spirit Crossing: Cork O’Connor #20 by William Kent Krueger is one of the best in this popular mystery series. Cork’s grandson Waboo has visions leading to a missing girl while bringing unwanted attention to his gift. Native girls and young women are disappearing, but law enforcement doesn’t pay attention until the white daughter of a State Senator vanishes. Cork’s daughter returns from Guatemala with a secret and disputes over a pipeline across sacred native land bring out the worst in a sadistic security officer. The caring nature of the community shines through. Based on true stories of missing indigenous women, this is a tale we all should read and it’s a page-turner to boot. CC/GPR/SN, BC

*Tell Me Everything by Elizabeth Strout (out today) encapsulates the depth, breadth, and meaning of love with a simplicity rarely explored in contemporary fiction. The novel features memorable characters from Strout’s previous novels. Bob Burgess is the focus of the book as he takes walks and has deep conversations with Lucy Barton who also visits 90-year-old Olive Kitteridge in her senior apartment where they tell each other stories. Bob’s wife Margaret, a pastor, ministers to everyone. William, Lucy’s ex-husband and current partner, still bores friends with talk of his research. Bob’s sister-in-law dies, leaving Bob sad and his brother adrift. When Bob is asked to defend a man accused of murdering his mother, Bob sees the man’s core and helps him find himself as Bob processes who he is and learns of his own gifts. Love is love every day of the week in this another magnificent ode by one of America’s finest writers. GPR, BC

*The Wealth of Shadows by Graham Moore is an exceptional espionage thriller based on the true, but little  known 1939-1944 story of economists who waged a secret financial battle to cripple Nazi Germany. Using real people, both famous and unknown, Moore builds a compelling tale of patriotism. Ansel Luxford is my new hero. What a movie this would make. Be sure you read the footnotes at the end of the book after you read each chapter; they add mind-boggling, pertinent information. PP/SN, BC

One I didn’t adore also debuted today:

Here One Moment by Liane Moriarty, the author of Big Little Lies, is a too-clever tale of a flight on which a passenger visits each of the other passengers with a prediction of when and how that person will die. At 512 pages, the number of travelers with terrifying death sentence proclamations becomes dizzying. Moriarty concludes the book masterfully as she ties the characters together, but the minutiae of the 400-plus pages leading to that satisfying conclusion aren’t worth the wait. OC

Old King by Maxim Loskutoff

Old King by Maxim Loskutoff is a wonder of a Western wilderness narrative. Imagine the summer of 1976 and the years following when Duane, a man in his early thirties, flees his Utah home after his former wife’s new life with his son and the man she left Duane for becomes too much to bear. Duane lands in a remote Montana town where he scrapes by as a logger and finds a measure of contentment in building a cabin on an even more remote trail. He meets his neighbors including Jackie, a kind, grounded waitress, and his son joins him every summer. 

Duane’s hermit neighbor is extraordinarily strange, but so are others in the area including a neighbor who harbors a grizzly bear in a homemade cage behind his cabin. When the hermit, a man named Ted Kaczynski, yes, that Ted Kaczynski, acts violently and destructively and threatens the livelihood and existence of the neighborhood as well as the nation, Duane and his neighbors don’t realize the danger around them. 

This could have been a gratuitous riff on Kaczynski and a caricature of the people drawn to living isolated lives, but instead, it’s a grace-filled ode to belonging in an era when technology and big corporations began to threaten the existence of small towns and the people who lived in them. Kaczynski’s part in the narrative feels natural because Loskutoff envisions him as the person he was.

Loskutoff’s powerful descriptions make the land feel like a living character. As Duane drove down an empty trail, “The trees leaned over the road, examining Duane as he passed. Taken objectively, these trees were no different from the ones he wandered through in the woods behind Jackie’s house—ponderosa and lodgepole pines and the occasional Doug fir, forty to seventy feet tall, reddish trunks, clusters of green needles—but here he felt a communion, a collective history, as if this forest predated all the other inhabitants of the valley, and contained a deep, watchful intelligence.” 

Later, he spied a solitary Doug fir, “a massive tree, its gnarled crown was flung across the sky. It was the biggest he’d ever seen, easily a hundred feet tall and five feet wide at the base. The thick, regal trunk was rod-straight and the upper branches looked like the roots at Duane’s feet, reaching for purchase in the heavens. He set down his sandwich and approached the tree. The needles were a deep, shimmering blue and he felt humbled in the cool of its shade—a small furless animal at the foot of an old king.” Duane finds a crooked altar made of deer and rabbit bones tied with twine arranged around the base of the tree and he is seized with fear.  What could this old king of a tree be saying and could it be Kaczynski who’d built this menacing altar? 

Summing it Up: Read Old King, a novel spanning two decades, to experience a seemingly improbable, yet completely believable story that could have happened when one man’s quest to stop technology’s acceleration and slow the destruction of our natural world invaded a quiet place where time may have slowed but hadn’t stopped. This is a bold, caring novel that I could barely put down for a second as it completely captivated me. Loskutoff may be our new Cormac McCarthy. One of my favorite authors, Nickolas Butler, said it best in calling Loskutoff a writer “endowed with fearless audacity, stunning grace, and gutsy heart.” 

Footnote: Maxim Loskutoff will be one of the featured authors at the Harbor Springs Festival of the Book, September 27, 28, and 29, 2024 in Harbor Springs, Michigan. Presenters and registration information here: https://www.hsfotb.org/

Rating:  5 Stars 

Publication Date: June 4, 2024

Category: Fiction, Five Stars, Gourmet, Pigeon Pie (Historical Fiction), Super Nutrition, Book Club

Author Website: https://maximtloskutoff.com/ 

Reading Group Guide: https://wwnorton.com/books/9780393868197/about-the-book/reading-guide 

What Others Are Saying: 

New York Times: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/03/books/review/maxim-loskutoff-old-king.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

Publishers Weekly: http://www.publishersweekly.com/9780393868197

San Francisco Chronicle: https://datebook.sfchronicle.com/books/review-old-king-maxim-loskutoff-19449634

Mother’s Day and Spring Reading Ideas

It's almost May and many of you are yearning for books suitable for reading outdoors as daylight lingers and warm breezes make sitting under a tree irresistible. Others are searching for gifts for those who’ve guided your path. May these satisfy your hunger for good books that will keep you reading until dusk forces you inside.

My husband died in early February. I share that because I was unable to concentrate on reading in his last weeks and in the first month or so after his death. He had a wonderful life and was ready to go when his body could no longer tolerate the cancer treatments that had kept him pain-free and able to enjoy family and friends for more than three years, and for that I am grateful. I'm also grateful that I was gradually able to regain my focus and soon found comfort, escape, and stimulation as I returned to reading. The book that thawed my reading drought was appropriately titled The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon. It's the first of several titles I recommend for Mother’s Day gifts or for your own reading pleasure. The other titles listed are some of those I've read since The Frozen River. Note: I also recommend I Cheerfully Refuse, a novel I read and reviewed here earlier this month.

*The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon

It’s November 1789 and Maine’s Kennebec River has just frozen. Martha Ballard is a respected midwife in her fifties who keeps a journal recording everything from the daily weather to births and local incidents. When called to examine the body of a man entombed in the river’s ice, she sees that he's been murdered, but a new, young physician declares the death accidental. Martha wants to get home to talk with her husband. “Some men think in a straight line, like an arrow off the string. They go to logic, to the easy conclusion, and avoid the waterways of the mind. But not Ephraim. His head is all rivers and streams, and with a mind like that a thought could run anywhere. He will have an answer. He always does.” The respect Martha and Ephraim show each other is exceptional and is rarely seen in novels and even less often in historical fiction. Based on a real midwife’s life, this novel expertly explores misogyny and courage and is an engrossing read with compelling characters. GPR/PP/SN, BC (2023)

*James: a Novel by Percival Everett

James should win the Pulitzer Prize; it's that good. This reimagining of Adventures of Huck Finn told from Jim’s point of view is like a firecracker exploding with humor, tragedy, love, and insight. Huck and Jim escape on a raft down the Mississippi River in an engrossing adventure. It's a masterpiece and a classic tale that's both fast-paced and packed with nuance and riveting dialogue. The conversation about “proleptic irony or dramatic irony” plays with the reader so beautifully; it makes me want to embroider it on a pillow. Everett has created a novel that’s completely accessible and at the same time ready to take its place in the canon of American literature. You’ll want to reread Huck Finn after reading James. GPR/G/PP, BC

*Float Up, Sing Down: Stories by Laird Hunt

Hunt returns to the area celebrated in his magnificent National Book Award finalist Zorrie with fourteen stories set in a single day in 1982 in the fictional town of Bright Creek, Indiana. Having grown up just down the road, reading these stories is a return to my childhood especially with the mention of “catfish over at Miller’s in Colfax,” a place everyone within fifty miles visited often. Hunt makes you see the people and their lives while showing “God’s country. Or God’s cousin’s country anyway. Maybe God’s nephew. No need to be grandiose. On a clear day and with sharp eyes you could see better than five miles in every direction,” Hunt makes you feel a part of the long-ago Indiana of my grandparents. He explores life, death, and community with razor-sharp dialogue that captures the region, and Zorrie herself returns. If you love the quiet beauty of Our Town and Willa Cather, you'll appreciate this treasure. G/PP, BC

*Go as a River by Shelley Read

In the 1960s, the town of Iola, Colorado was destroyed to create a reservoir. In 1948, Victoria, a 17-year-old Iola resident, meets and falls in love with a Native man who’s running away from a job contract in a coal mine. His death and her subsequent pregnancy force her to leave her family’s peach orchard to shelter in a hut in the nearby mountains. Her resilience in living her life as if it were a river always moving forward makes for a strong story with excellent depictions of the natural world. An unusual decision I won't divulge combined with superb language form a compelling debut, coming-of-age novel that traces Victoria’s life along with that of the river. GPR/PP, BC (2023)

*Wandering Stars by Tommy Orange

Wandering Stars resounds with yearning. This stand-alone sequel to the masterpiece There, There lyrically illustrates the powerful yearning of one family, via descendant Orvil Red Feather, to be themselves after their historical removal from tribal lands and the forced abandonment of their native language and culture. It shows the generational trauma of collective loss coupled with the will to survive. Beginning with the Sand Creek Massacre in 1864 and the subsequent Carlisle Indian Industrial School fiasco, Wandering Stars visits the descendants of one Native family seen at the powwow in There, There as they struggle with substance abuse and erasure while trying to preserve family ties and their culture. “Everyone only thinks we're from the past, but then we're here, but they don't know we’re still here.” While this is an emotionally difficult read, it’s an essential one. G/PP/SN, BC

+After Annie by Anna Quindlen

“Bill, get me some Advil, my head is killing me,” were the last words Annie said before falling on the kitchen floor and dying of an aneurysm in this cozy, quiet portrait of a mother and those she left behind. Annie was in her early thirties. She had four children ages six to thirteen. She and her plumber husband Bill lived a packed life that allowed for little reflection which was a good fit for Bill. Annie also left her best friend Annemarie, a woman who'd had substance abuse problems and relied on Annie for more than just their deep friendship. Bill is both bereft and clueless so when thirteen-year-old Ali makes sandwiches, wakes up her younger brothers before school, and keeps the household afloat, Bill barely notices. He adored Annie and without her as his rudder, he doesn't seem capable of seeing what's around him. Bill’s dreadful mother and her attacks on the kids and Annemarie signal the family’s unraveling. Quindlen is one of the queens of the quotidian and her recitation of the daily acts of survival makes this novel hope filled rather than melancholy. Ali and Annemarie keep calling Annie’s phone to hear her voice and we’re so connected to them that we almost think she'll answer. Yes, the ending is a touch of “happily ever after,” but it's what Annie would have wanted. If you’re looking for a book that isn't too challenging but still offers a poignant story, this is it. GPR, BC

+Miss Morgan’s Book Brigade by Janet Skeslien Charles

Charles, the author of the acclaimed The Paris Library, showcases American women volunteering in France during WWI. Jessie, a New York Public Library children’s librarian, assists residents living near the front in northeast France, holds story hours for children, and gives the children and their mothers books. In a parallel 1987 story, aspiring writer Wendy finds Jessie’s story in the NYPL archives and uncovers new information. The French and American women are intriguing, well-developed characters, and the books Jessie shares show how literacy can make a difference in this well-told tale. GPR/PP/SN This comes out tomorrow, Tuesday, April 30. 

+The Underground Library by Jennifer Ryan

The Underground Library follows several women living in London during the blitz years of WWII as they create a lending library to serve neighborhood residents who spend their nights in a tube station. It's both a romance and a chronicle of the power of community to overcome hardship, male chauvinism, and classism. It offers a glimpse of history with a happy ending. Readers who enjoyed her previous novels The Kitchen Front and The Wedding Dress Circle will find similar wartime themes in The Underground Library. GPR/PP/ SBP/SN, BC

+The Hazelbourne Ladies Motorcycle and Flying Club by Helen Simonson

This light, fluffy romance highlights the dilemma women faced in 1919 England when men returned from the war and resumed their jobs. Despite being a stellar manager in her village, Constance must find a man to marry or become a governess. Currently caring for a widow in a seaside hotel, she meets effervescent Poppy who operates a motorcycle delivery business. Poppy’s brother Harris, a Sopwith Camel pilot, has returned from combat minus a leg. His depressed state causes Poppy to act rashly hoping to help him. While this doesn't have the brilliant sarcasm of her Major Pettigrew's Last Stand, the novel will appeal to historical fiction lovers who want a witty escape with a message. PP This will be out on May 7, 2024.

+The White Lady by Jacqueline Winspear

The White Lady follows former spy Elinor White from age twelve in Belgium at the start of WWI through her posting in WWII and then to her current life in rural Kent, England in 1947. When a family moves in next door, Elinor is enamored with Susie, the daughter. When Susie’s father’s infamous London gangster family threatens them, Elinor seeks help from old friends and takes action. Reliving her past haunts Elinor, but her wartime experience, skills, and courage aid her in her quest to save the family. The novel highlights the always horrific and often necessary conflicts of war while showing that identifying who the enemy is isn't easy. This stand-alone historical mystery is a departure from Winspear’s Maisie Dobbs’ tales. (2023)